Quick & Dirty

Published on December 5th, 2013 | by Boris

PAINT YOUR WAGON

At some stage in your life, a madness may come upon you, and you will decide that you need to place custom paint upon your motorcycle. Well, not you, for unless you are very skilled, it will not end well, but some crazed artisan whom you will engage to do the job.

Then you will endure endless consultations with the said artisan. Most of which will be pointless, because artists cannot actually articulate their art very well. They just ‘do’. But you need to have these conversations so that a) you can give him a vague idea of what you want, and b) you feel like you’re in control of what happens next.

You’re not. As you will discover months later when you still don’t have your tank or guards back and the mad fuck who’s painting them is off with fairies and will not answer your calls. Your deposit has been spent on drugs and whores, and you cannot find him.

Eventually you do. And when he unveils what he has done, you will forgive him. You may even hug him and say nice things about him.

Just make sure you don’t scratch the part when you’re bolting back on your bike. That way lies madness and ruin.

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About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.



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