MUTES NOT INSULTED
The beer was flowing in measured quantities, and I was telling a non-rider that sure it was dangerous, but that was part of the attraction. You bring your “A” game every day, or you get hurt. And I am not hurt, therefore I win.
“This morning, on the way to work, a guy pulled out from a side street in front of me”, I told Dave, “but I was ready for him and I expected him to do exactly what he did, and I stopped the bike three metres away. Stupid blind bastard.”
Dave frowned, and pointed at the next table. There was a guy there with a white stick and sunglasses and a Labrador with a harness on it at his feet. A kid approached and went to pat the dog. “Hey, kid”, I said. “Don’t pat the dog.”
She stopped and looked at me. “Why?” she asked.
“It’s a working dog”, I told her. “It’s working. It’s responsible for this guy’s safety, and you shouldn’t distract it.”
“Oh. Okay,” said the kid. “Sorry.”
She left. “Thanks”, said the blind guy. “A lot of people don’t understand that.”
“You’re welcome”, I said.
“It’s a new dog”, said the blind guy. “He’s still learning.”
“Really?” I said. “What happened to the old dog?”
“We had a problematic relationship,” he replied.
“How can you have a problematic relationship with a Labrador?” asked Dave.
“We didn’t see eye to eye,” said the blind guy.
We stared at him. He had a poker face.
Challenge accepted, I thought. “I know that can happen”, I said. “I dated a blind girl a while back.”
“Really?” said the blind guy.
“Yes”, I said. “She used to tell me all the time how well endowed I am, but I’m pretty sure she was just pulling my leg.”
He still had a poker face.
“I remember her,” said Dave. “It took you ages to get her husband’s voice right.”
Poker face.
“He’s good,” Dave murmured admiringly. Aloud, he said “We have to go. Nice talking to you.”
Dave stopped at the bar on the way out, and gave the barmaid twenty dollars. “Please don’t let the guy with the dog pay for drinks until that runs out,” he said.
He stopped briefly where my bike was parked, and shook my hand. “Love your work, Al”, he said.
“You know,” I said, “I don’t think he heard me say stupid blind bastard.”
“Yeah”, said Dave. “Say what you will about deaf people…”
About the Author
Al Al does a bit of everything, and likes hanging around with Boris, because there are generally motorcycles and whiskey, and because hilarity generally ensues. He wastes his spare time not moderating the BIKE ME! forums, where he posts occasionally and is regarded as unfair, unbalanced and unmedicated. Shows how much THEY know.
