BMW S1000RR - IT'S ALL TRUE

Miles Davis. Some doubt he's human.

No-one crashed – and believe me when I tell you that certain fellows were certainly trying very hard to “fault” the bike. The Hurricane was chief among them – but even he eventually agreed that there was something quite unique and unquestionably marvellous about this bike.

Suspension. 10 adjustments. Not 38. It works.

As for me…well, I simply struggle to believe how far motorcycle technology has come. But then I cannot deny what is a bald-faced fact. The BMW S1000RR is the best sportsbike on earth at this moment in time. It out-bangs the MV, out-shines the Ducati, out-muscles the Gixxers, Blades, R1s and ZX10s. BMW have produced a true benchmark of a motorcycle – in every sense of the word. Even now, a week removed from lurching around the Island, I frown with disbelief when I remember that despite my ham-fisted efforts, the bike forgave me everything and offered me so much more than I could come to terms with in my brief time with it.

Boris going scarey slow

I have only covered a very little chunk of the technological marvels that reside within its being. But I know that when I’m banging down Gardener straight and the tacho nudges 11,000rpm, the bloody thing suddenly accelerates even harder – a most disconcerting turn of events when you’re a numpty who has no idea when to begin braking for Turn One, but who then suddenly discovers what a miracle seamless ABS can be.

This bike deserves to win every accolade there is. The Italians and the Japanese are now in the amazing position of having to play catch-up in the superbike stakes with the Germans. It is truly the end of history.

And right about now, I can either tell you about Gobert’s brother’s butcher, who, The Hurricane and I were perturbed to discover on our return bus trip, has oral sex with the pig carcasses he then on-sells to Gobert’s brother who subsequently feeds them to Gobert.

Or I can tell you what you’ll pay for this technological masterwork. The manufacturer’s list price for the base S1000RR is $21,900. For the S1000RR Sport which comes with Race ABS and DTC is $24,400. If you want the bike in the red, white and blue Motorsport colours, add an extra $765. And yes, there are lots and lots of accessories you can have as well – carbon fibre body bits, soft luggage, titanium bolt kits, rearsets, race cams, special Pankl pistons – the list goes on and on. All of which is really only important to the buyers of the S1000RR.

What is important to everyone else is the sudden and sure knowledge that there’s a new sheriff in town.

And he’s got his shiny, big, German eff-off gun out.