HARLEY-DAVIDSON 2010 LAUNCH

XR1200X

Why you gotta be so angry, XR1200X?

If you're mad on big Harley V-twins but also want to rip up the corners, the XR1200 family is where you're going to come rooting around. This is not a cruiser… not even close. It's a big, piss-off speed machine with giant brakes, fully-adjustable suspension, a stonking great engine and a serious lust for fun.

Even when it's perched on its stand on the side of road, the XR1200X is like a giant NFL player – it's built like a brick shithouse and wants to go you all the time. The all-black styling with red highlights is really aggressive and pressed all the right buttons for me. .

After riding around in cruising mode for a day and a bit, getting on the XR was a massive shock. It accelerated! And it braked! Oh, how it braked. Those giant Nissins grabbed harder than an Ethiopian having a sausso roll dangled in front of his face on two discs… yes, two whole discs! I nearly launched myself over the handlebars grabbing a handful after coming off the single-disc cruisers

Oh God, does it stop!

The 1200cc twin was grunty and torquey, except for just above idle which was really snatchy and nasty – a tiny bit of throttle had the bike jerking around retardedly. Other than that, though, it was a stunning engine with power wherever you needed it and when coupled with the flawlessly smooth five-speed gearbox saw happiness rife in my pants during bends.

If you look close enough, you can see two cattle rooting in the background

There were no footboards or frames to worry about scraping whenever the XR was leant over and it tipped in beautifully. I liked the leverage the wide, low-rise 'bars gave, adding to the ease of belting through corners. The new upside-down front end is fully adjustable (the only one of the four bikes we rode) and felt really solid through bends, increasing the size of my gonads threefold once I was used to how tall the bike felt.

Is that sexy or what? And the bike's not bad either

Besides the pain in the arse that was the low-down throttle snatch, it was really hard to fault the XR1200X. This is a bike that does everything well. It'd be a breeze to commute on and blast through traffic with, you could ride it for eons comfortably thanks to its ergonomic design and, when it's time to play, you'll be able to mix it up with everyone else.

I want.

Fat Boy Lo

Like fat chicks, there's just more to love

Before I'd even fired the Fat Boy Lo into existence, I was captivated. It is a fat porker of a bike and looks angry – very angry. Like the Silverwater Social Lawn Bowls Club when they've been told their green has already been booked kind of angry.

The 'Lo' tag comes from the fact that Harley has dropped 2.9 centimetres off both the front and rear springs to give it a “road-hugging stance”. This has butchered what little ground clearance there once was and I was scraping the footboards on pretty much every decent bend I hit. It was never a problem, though, as touching down on the Fat Boy is predictable and satisfying. With its 61-centimetre seat height, it is also officially Harley's lowest bike.

Cue sparks

My time on the Fat Boy was predominantly in some of the most appalling conditions I've ever ridden in. It had pissed down rain the night before so the roads were slippery and treacherous, and there was a thick fog blanketing our route which left us with what I estimate to have been about 10 metres of visibility. It was cold, I was tired, but I didn't care 'cos this bike was choice fun, bro.

Out the back, you've got the lines of a hard tail with the beaut surprise of having a functional suspension system stashed under the chassis. It looks great and it works well – not that you'll ever be rounding up Gixxer riders, but it's still nice to have back there. I lost the arse once in the Baltic weather we were enjoying, yet rode it out nicely and carried on my merry way.

Tasty black everywhere

Despite being so low, the Fat Boy was stupidly comfortable. You sort of sit in the bike rather than on it, and the half-moon floorboards which gave such an exquisite shower of sparks were perfectly positioned for my lengthy lower limbs. I could reach my legs out as far as they would go and my heels would just slip over the ends of the board, locking my foot neatly into place to support my legs. Again, I felt I could have ridden for days on this thing, and would happily do so.

Although rigidly mounted to the frame as opposed to the other cruisers which have rubber helping free everything up from vibes, the counterbalanced engine was lacking in rumble for the most part. It wasn't as nice as the Wide Glide, but it worked well. And with 96 cubic inches smashing away under you, it has a pretty good go at destroying kilometres with ease until you get where you want to be.

Blaaaaaaart, blaaaaaart, blaaaaaaart…

The weight and low-slungedness of the Fat Boy didn't detract from having a great time blasting through Victoria. Like the Wide Glide, this is a motorcycle with character and heart that I would spend days, weeks and lifetimes on.

I pulled this quote from the Harley presentation we were given before riding off into the sun… er… rise on fresh Seppo steeds: “Our goal is to expand our strength as one of the most personal, emotionally-connected brands in the world where every individual feels a unique bond with our company, brands and products.”

And it's not hard to do.

As queer as it sounds, each Harley I spent time with had character. None of them will ever be the best at what they do but they go about it a little differently – a bit like your not-quite-there younger step-brother who you can't help but love. Their idiosyncrasies and faults are what make them special, just as much as their strengths.

You can push them to their limits and have a blast scraping away the frames or 'pegs, or you can go for a lazy Sunday ride with some mates for a beer and some grilled dead animal. Or you can sit back with it in the garage drinking piss and polishing it.

It's all gunna be fun.