BMW R1200R

and the 2007 Xmas Road Party

By Al

The wide motor makes it hard to get through some tight spots, but the R1200R commutes well anyway

On the left you get Info, Automatic Stability Control, and Electronic Suspension Adjustment. Busy.

The Telelever front end: you get used to it real fast

The frame is all triangles, and the Paralever swingarm eliminates driveshaft jacking

Thursday

The day before the 2007 Xmas Road Party, I turned the key on my ride for the first time. The warning lamps all came on, then went off one by one. Except for one. "BRAKE FAILURE", it said.

I put it in gear. The light stayed on. I eased forward a few metres. It went off, and stayed off. Hmm. BMW have made a bike which signals that its brakes have failed, and the only way to see if they really have is to ride off on it.

I eased out onto the Princes Highway, one of Sydney's busiest commuting roads. It was 8:30 am. The big 1200cc engine makes lots of power anywhere. When you're stopped, the whole bike does a little dance every time a power stroke occurs, but it's not an unpleasant experience. It smooths right out a few revs above idle, and makes enormous power, which I am just not used to having at 2000 rpm.

The bars are nice and wide, so it's easy to lever it through tight spots. It weights under 200kg dry, as opposed to, say a Suzuki Bandit 1200 at 225kg, but the wide motor makes it hard to get through some tight spots. You put on the turn indicators to turn left by pressing a button on the left switchblock. You put on the turn indicators to turn right by pressing a similar button on the right switchblock. Then you press another button on the right switchblock to cancel the indicators.

It's right near the turn indicator button, and it's mounted at a bit of an angle and has to be pressed up. Half the time I pressed the right indicator when I wanted to cancel the left indicator. Most times, I had to take my eyes off the road and look at the right switchblock to make sure I was going to hit the right button. A couple of times I turned the throttle while trying to get my thumb to work the facking thing, which is interesting to say the least when it controls a motor that makes such enormous power at 2,000 rpm.

I never got used to it in over 1200km, during which time I passed a lot of cars. Sorry, BMW, every other manufacturer perfected turn indicator switches forty years ago. Yours might be different, but it's stupid, unnecessary and dangerous. I don't have a problem with stupid, unnecessary and dangerous if it's fun as well. Indicators are not fun.

I survived the commute. It was a warm day, and I expected my feet to be feeling the heat from the big cylinder heads, but I didn't notice it.

Friday

Packing for the Xmas Road Party was easy. My RJays magnetic tank bag sat on nicely, and the rack bag bungeed to the things that I suspect are pannier mounts at the rear. Loaded in two minutes.

I was on the expressway in five minutes, with time to play. There's a button called INFO on the left switchblock. If you press it once, it tells you the ambient temperature. I've ridden bikes with this feature before, and I'm not sure why it's there. It's a cool day, and I know that, because I'm riding a motorcycle through it, and I can feel the cool air on my face and skin. If you press it again, it tells you the oil temperature - another thing I'm not interested in until it's too high, and that's what warning lights are for.

There's another button on the left switchblock called ASC. It stands for Automatic Stability Control - BMW's anti-wheelspin add-on to their Antilock Braking System. ASC was turned on. I left it on, and plotted to try it out later.

The last button on the left switchblock was called ESA - Electronic Suspension Adjustment. It cycles between Normal, Comfortable and Sport. I put it on Sport.

The rest of the instruments are pretty standard: speedo, tacho; LCD display with gear position, fuel level, time, kilometres to empty, consumption, odo, two trip meters and a lap timer. Oh, and tyre pressure. That's right, there are sensors in the wheels that read tyre pressure and give it to the computer.

This motorcycle has got EVERYTHING.

I met Boris, Mick, Biff, Mr E, Bly and Oddjob at the car park of the Ettamogah pub under a threatening sky.

Boris was engaged by his continuing love affair with the MV Agusta 312 he was riding. It is apparently an affair of considerable passion, with the motorcycle equivalents of violent screaming matches and hot make-up sex occurring on a weekly basis. He was cursing because there is nowhere to tie luggage to it, and every time he tries it shifts or falls off.

There was time for quick handshakes before we left at 0700 precisely. "Guys", Boris said. "Let's go. And do not fall off your motorcycles."

I started the Bimmer. "BRAKE FAILURE" said the light. I was getting used to it by now.

The Putty Road was wet in parts, but dry in more parts. I got more relaxed and faster in the first hour. I'm used to riding a shaft drive motorcycle, and I know that they like to be kept on the gas through corners. On mine, shutting the throttle makes it drop at the back, losing ground clearance and initiating some chassis flex and wobble.

The R1200R doesn't care. The frame is pretty well all triangles and very rigid, the motor is a stressed member of the frame, and it has BMW's Paralever swingarm setup, which eliminates shaft jacking. Slamming the throttle shut mid-corner just makes it go slower. It stays on line.

The Telelever front end is something else, too. There is very little front suspension dive under brakes. The suspension remains responsive and the ride height and geometry stays the same. You get used to it real fast, and it's very comforting.

I arrived at the Half Way House stop on the Putty Road a minute behind the first three riders, determined to try out the Automatic Stability Control. Over onto some loose gravel in the car park, point the motorcycle in a safe direction, first gear, walking pace, and crack the throttle wide open. The results are astonishing. The motor fluffs, makes a bit of intake roar like it's starving, finds traction somehow, and starts to propel you forward at a rate of acceleration which I didn't know could be achieved on loose gravel.

I stood on the rear brake hard enough to make any other motorcycle slide. It came to a gentle stop.

"What do you think of the Bimmer, Al?" Boris asked.

"Borrie", I said, "what an enormously confidence-inspiring motorcycle."

"Yeah", he said. "With that anti-wheelspin and ABS, they've built an idiot-proof motorcycle. They're gonna sell a million of them."

The sky was even darker than when we left. We fuelled the motorcycles and their riders, and put our rain gear on. "Let's go, gentlemen." said Boris. "And I entreat you, do not fall off your motorcycles."

Some way along the long straight north of the Half Way House I was passed by what looked like a turbo GSX-R1000 Suzuki on its back wheel. Shortly after that we entered the Ten Mile, that 16km of winding road that is, for motorcyclists, the main feature of the north half of the Putty Road. The rain held off, and we motored. I'm sure I was going 20km'h faster than I usually go through there. And it was effortless. You stay in third or fourth gear, concentrate on brakes, steering and picking your line, and the bike does all the rest for you. You don't worry about pandering to the foibles of the bike -- you just go quite fast and very smoothly with a minimum of work. That 1170cc boxer engine has power everywhere in large amounts. It peaks at 80KW (109bhp), but the spread makes the six speed gearbox unnecessary. BMW could drop two of the speeds and the bike would be just as good.

The big Continental Attack tyres worked for me, too. The rear one was well over half worn when I picked the bike up from BMW, but they both held on even when hitting wet patches and corrugations while leaned over.

The rain hit just north of Singleton, and it was a wet ride to Willow Tree, our first drink stop. I went a bit hard into a tight left turn over a bridge in one of the towns we went through. I managed to wash off the speed, but I was glad I had the ABS.

We drank a beer at Willow Tree. The rain cleared, and we headed for Nundle. The bridge at Nundle was out, but we watched a truck fording the river and figured we could do it too. Mick looked down doubtfully at the air intake for his turbo low on the left of his bike, but it just cleared the water. So we stopped at the pub at Nundle and ordered steaks and burgers and trout.

The bridge at Nundle was out...

Crossing the river coming out of Nundle, the turbo's air intake was upstream and it got wet. Mick's bike died, but came back to life after a minute or so of cranking and some Serbian curses, which were most instructive. I didn't even know that Suzuki GSX-R's HAD mothers.

It was only a short ride to Tamworth, our stop for the night after a 450km day. I felt pretty relaxed. The BMW is comfortable. I liked the seat, the ergonomics (except for those bloody turn indicators) and the exhaust note: very quiet. Most of the vibration disappears above idle, thanks to the engine layout and the balance shafts. You notice a little through the rev range, but it's more a throb than a shake, it never gets uncomfortable, and it never makes the mirrors unusable.

We were in the spa drinking cold beer by 4:00pm.

Tamworth, 1600hrs: Oddjob doesn't do bench racing. He does SPA racing

Some BIKE ME! members had come from Queensland. We dined with them, and drank much wine and beer. We bench raced, spoke of the Song of the Sausage Creature, and laughed at what was funny; but we did not do anything unsanitary on the chests of the Weird.

Then we repaired to the BIKE ME! suite and proceeded to drink more beer, bench race, and solve the problems of the world.

I retired at about 1:00 am. The guys had worked out an action plan for the rest of the world, and were trying to get the Middle East sorted.

The beer supply was looking perilously low.