HONDA GOLDWING
LOUD & PROUD
by Mick
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No matter where you go or what you do, people stop and stare. Now I like that, and I'm used to it, but there is something deeply erotic about pulling alongside Habib in his fully sick WRX, which is boom boom booming and you out-do him, 'cos your stereo is bigger and louder. It can be too loud, even inside a helmet, but people gawp, and, as opposed to the disco-pumping WRX, they then smile. This thing deserves to be noticed; it plays the "bigger is better" card and takes the million dollar pot every time.
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Sometimes it's hard to find a house bigger than the 'Wing |
The 'Wing has developed over the years, always getting bigger and more-creature-comfort better. And this 1832cc flat opposed six monster is no exception.
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... and it illuminates itself at night too. For some reason. Cos, like what you really need to see at night is more lights. |
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Take us out of orbit, Mr Sulu |
After you have given Dr Honda $40,000 for the biggest serving of motorcycling medicine possible, your beast comes 'fully loaded' with electric on board suspension, all fully adjustable and recordable with memory settings! The stereo shames some Gestapo staff cars and I had immense fun playing with every single button control available. If you can think of it, then so has a clever Honda engineer and it's on there: fully adjustable heated seats, so she's just right when you get home! An intercom, so you can whisper sweet nothings into her ear as AC/DC blares to the world. Or a CB radio so you can chat to the truckies and brag about wide loads. Yep, there's a six CD stacker on board, so when the dribble starts to run down your chin because Lawsy has bored you to insanity, your own stuff is at hand. It even gets louder as you crank on the throttle! It's got a remote which will open the boot and 'central' locking! And ducting that'll keep your tootsies warm. I kid you not.
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The ABBS (Anti-bus back support) frame ensures your big-vehicle attack posture is safe and confortable for maximum awesomeness in difficult situations |
On the roll this thing just gets better and better as more generous helpings of throttle are applied. The five speed, shaft drive transmission is slick and positive. As the GL1800's 115bhp poured through, the 'Wing picks up its 827lbs skirts and boogies on down.
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"MY brother didn't have an ABBS frame and he was hit by a bus during the making of this feature." |
Its 66 inch wheelbase allows it to mash through corners. Working the 16 inch 180 rear as hard as I dared (there are only two in the country!) one can provoke the behemoth into sending sparks over anyone who dares to get too close.
A word of warning: cranked over and on the juice, this thing occupies the corner and more. It is big and needs space. The poor ZXR750 rider I rounded up in the National Park must have shat his pants when I went round the outside of him. Less to do with a dark blue enormity skimming past him, more to do with the volume of "Die Mutherfucker, Die" (courtesy of Dope) that was blaring out from a 45 degree angle. I was taking full advantage of the 1300 watt alternator so thoughtfully provided.
The linked brakes just kept coming back for more and although it didn't like hurried racing downchanges, the anchors just hauled its wide load arse down from silly speeds to not-so-silly cornering speeds; tip it in, grind away a hero blob, then crack it on and it bolts out of the corner like Mike Tyson on PCP. Yee ha!
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Just do it |
To the bikers coming the other way, the looks on your faces just said it all. "Things that big are not meant to do that"? but it just does, OK?
With nearly seven gallons of motion lotion on board and with a restrained hand you're going to travel 400-500 km between stops. It's a good job it's so comfy. |
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This bike has got EVERYTHING |
If you ever get a chance, just ride one. Don't bag it until you have... because it will change your mind. Fast. Your missus will love it and that may be a good or bad thing. Pillions on one of these get treated like royalty.
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Yes, it does look like its got the front-end of a car on its back. This is a good thing. It scares the crap out of tailgaters. It would look even more spectacular if it were painted beige. |
In the swinging dick contest of long haul tourers you win, because this is hung below the knee. Nothing else comes close, you own the road, and everyone will look and stare at this big bad puppy.
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How many GoldWings do you want to order? |
